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Cute Love Story
Dear Boyfriend

 

Dear Darling Boyfriend,

There are some things I'd like to know. Things like the fact you think that I'm way cuter than Jessica Alba or that my eyes are more sparkling than the Pacific Ocean can be expressed on a regular basis. Daily even. However there are some things I would rather you keep to yourself**, namely:

Which of my girlfriends you think is cute

I adore my girls and think their awesomeness is beyond words. However there's a difference between me thinking they're gorgeous, and you thinking they're gorgeous. Please keep up the charade that you're totally oblivious to the extent of my friend's attractiveness.

Anything related to bodily functions

Remember the last in depth conversation we had about that gross infection I got from my last pedicure? You don't? That's coz I choose not to share those things with you. Where possible, please refrain from describing such things as what exactly came out when you last went to the toilet, or what your last bout of flatulence smelled like. We have to keep that air of mystery going, right?

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Who picked out my last birthday present

I know deep down that the idea to get me the 'heart tag bracelet' from the Tiffany & Co ''Return to Tiffany'' collection was as likely to be your idea as me being genuinely interested in our last conversation about my car's engine - but I know ou tried. I don't need to know how said present actually ended up in m jewellery box, only that you loved me enough to do it.

What you've told your friends

No matter how vehemently boys deny they gossip, the truth is you guys are probably worse than us. So I've accepted the fact that your friends are probably privyy to the details of our hook ups; but so I don't die of embarrassment the next time I have to see your mates, please be considerate enough not to mention what you've told them. I just couldn't look Mick and Davo in the eye otherwise.

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Your ex-girlfriend anything

There's a little game I like to play in my head that revolves around the fact that no other girl existed in your life before me. No one. So the fact your ex is now a Nobel Prize winning, Harvard graduate who looks like Gisele on a good day? Yeah, I don't really need to know.

Having got all this out in the open, I'm confident we can only anticipate smooth sailing and relationship bliss the likes of which can only be seen in Hugh Grant movies in future. Perhaps you should cut this out and keep it somewhere easily visible?

Love, Me X

*There's a difference between 'keeping something to yourself' and 'lying'. The difference being, that lying will earn you banishment to Boyfriend Siberia the likes of which you've never seen.

 

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